With a Grieving and Heavy Heart

As I was sitting down to play euchre last Friday night, I began to see facebook posts show up on my phone concerning an old friend from high school.  I couldn't tell at first what had happened but I could tell that it was more than likely a grave and serious situation.  I searched online trying to find news and was shocked when I read on the Muncie Star's website that my former classmate, Nettie Peterson, just one year ahead of me in school, had been murdered.  Shocked....stunned....definitely two words that describe that Friday night.  I went home and began to read through the facebook news feed as I could tell that more and more of my former classmates were hearing of the tragic news and I felt like we were reaching out to one another through those posts.  We were a very small school (I think my class of 24 is still the largest to date!) and most of us grew up together, knowing each other from kindergarden on.  A lot of us had older brothers or sisters who knew each other, played ball with each other, or hung out together.  Usually, the younger brother or sister had to tag along on those outings so, as I said, you practically knew everyone and their family.  While we may not have been the best of friends with everyone in school, you knew everyone by name, you knew who their brother or sister was, and more than likely, your parents knew each other.  From concessions, Country Fairs, craft bazaars, and anything else that took place outside of school hours, you were likely to see everyone from school there.  We were our own community,family.  I knew Nettie coming up through school.   I had been to her house, knew her sisters, my brother knew her sisters, knew her mom, we played volleyball a few years together, sang in choir together, and the list goes on.  A short 32 years on this earth.  So when the news of her tragic death began to hit me, I was hit with such a heavy heart, one that hurt.  It's been 4 days since I learned of Nettie and I was still crying this morning.  I haven't had a chance to grieve myself, being in the midst of staff training here at camp and having others depend on me, so it comes out in stages.  Tears at the seemingly most random times when downtime allows a moment to think of what happened, a facebook post from another classmate pops up, or a random memory comes to mind. (I think of Camp Crosley and her getting stung on the lip by a bee because the bee had gotten down into her coke can. :-)  )  Then I think of her children, their lives ripped apart.  I think of her sisters, her mother, her friends and pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding.   My heart hurts and doesn't feel strong anymore.  I think of the lyrics from the song "Strong Enough".  "I give up, I'm not strong enough. Right now I'm asking You to be strong enough for the both of us."  So I give it all to Him, all the hurt, the sorrow, and let Him heal.  The Master Healer.  It was a life taken too soon, too violently, but now safe in the arms of God.  Someday Nettie, we'll see you again.  Until then, save a place for us.