Christmas Memories

This is a recollection of my fondest and strongest memories of Christmas and the traditions that came with it.  For my mom and dad;

Christmas season officially began with the putting up of the Nativity scene outside the house.  That was something my dad and I would do.  It was just a dad/daughter thing for as long as I remember.  Going down into the basement to gather the wood cutouts, the poles, making multiple trips to the garage (and eventually barn) to gather the necessary tools and ladder.  For the most part, it was my job to "design" the layout.  Dad and I would discuss very important questions like where the wise men should go, the direction the sheep would be facing, where the donkey should be resting.  No matter what, it was a talking point each year.  Usually while we were conquering this project, mom would be inside bringing up decorations for the house from the basement.  Sometimes it was absolutely freezing outside and that necessitated multiple breaks by the fireplace.  Other times it was warm and Christmas seemed so far off.  When I was little, my jobs were small.  As I grew, the jobs grew with me.  I learned to handle the hammer, screwdriver, post hole driver, and socket wrench in the Nativity set-up.  Sometimes we talked about life....other times we worked in silence...both were good.  After we got the Nativity up, it was time to go inside and Mom and I would work on decorating the house.  Pictures up on the cupboards, Christmas scenes set up, wreaths hung, candle rings and candles set out and all the other decorations were put up.  When I was little little, I remember going to Bluffton to pick out our live Christmas tree.  All 4 of us would pile into the old red pick up truck and head on out to pick up our tree.  I don't remember a bunch about picking out the tree but I remember the shop...I remember the tree toppers and the smell of that dark shop where we paid for the tree.  I don't remember us really buying anything inside that shop but for some reason I remember the shop clearly.  At some point, we stopped with the live trees and went to the cut ones.  I remember picking out the perfect one, then trying to get it in the stand and having to be the one who held onto the tree while mom or dad laid on the ground adjusting the stand until we could get them straight.  Then came the challenge of getting it into the house with as few needles dropping as possible.  Up from the basement came the decorations for the tree and lights that may or may not have worked.  David and I always got a new ornament each year...usually something to commemorate something that happened.  A lego ornament when I started getting interested in legos, a snowman carrying a feed sack when I started at camp, etc.  And such was the beginning of the Christmas season at our house.

Growing up, my parents always had Mondays off so that's when they did their Christmas shopping.  I enjoyed getting picked up by both of them from school on that day.  Sometimes we went back out shopping with David and me after that but usually we went on the weekends.  And where did we almost always eat lunch while out shopping? In the one place to eat in the mall at the time, MCL. ;-) Not my most favorite place to eat but I usually got a piece of pie out of it.  Shopping was so much fun.  With my limited budget as a kid, I always thought hard about what one present I was getting each of the family members.  Something I learned from my parents and what I love doing now is getting/making gifts that matter.  Ones that you put thought into.  I loved the funny tags my parents would make for the gifts.  I got gifts from some very strange fellows, celebrities, even my dog.  ;-)  To this day, not all my gifts come from my parents.  

Christmas eve-now this was a night about tradition.  After finishing up wrapping, cleaning the house, and preparing food, we would dress up and have a formal Christmas dinner on our fine china (that I was terrified to break when we hand washed them) in our formal dining room.  Steaks, potatoes, shrimp cocktail, and dessert filled our bellies full.  A doctrine tape on the true reason for the season followed dinner and listening to it in the same room where the tree and some of the presents were.  It was definitely hard to focus when you wondered why lay under that wrapping paper.  ;-)  Afterwards it was into our pajamas and Mom would read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to me.  This book was very old, published in the 1940's, but there was no other book to be read from.  Sometimes after my door was shut and I tried to go to sleep, I could hear things going on downstairs and I wondered what was going on down there.  Later I might find it was more presents being wrapped or a toy being put together.  I always found that the filling of the stocking to be quite wondrous.  I don't know why I found it wondrous, but it was always empty when I went to bed and filled no matter what time I woke up in the morning.  Of course, at first light as a kid I was up and ready to open presents.  There really was no reason for me to get up and out of bed so early.  There was no opening presents until my dad had gotten up and ready and headed to the hospital to do his rounds.  Sometimes it took an hour...sometimes it took more.  Sometimes, it felt like it took all day long...when you're 8 years old!   We always had breakfast casserole for our Christmas day breakfast and when I was quite impatient, I would request that we eat breakfast after presents!  As I got older, breakfast came first, then presents, then most likely lots of playing with the gifts and naps!  I appreciate that my parents wanted us to be home for the actual holiday of Christmas.  I definitely liked being home for our family Christmas with no where to go and no schedule to keep.  

It was hard when things started to change for us for Christmas.  David wasn't always there, the actual days we celebrated were no longer the 24/25th, and sometimes I wasn't there as work and travel took me away.  No matter what though, my parents have always attempted to accommodate the desires of their kids to continue with traditions.  Whether it was something we wanted to eat, where we wanted to celebrate, and the traditions we wanted to continue, my parents have made it about family and it always takes me back to those days when Christmas was full of wonder and we were all together as our family of 4.  I remember getting my Nintendo and David and I setting it up and playing....David getting a movie and all of us sitting down to watch it....getting a board game and getting the family to sit around the table and play.  Life seemed so simple back then.  Nowhere to go, no distractions....just us.  There's a few more of us now, the schedules are a little harder to accommodate, and time with family limited as work and other duties call.  But there's still a few things that I can count on.  I hope that I can continue to make Christmas as special, magical, and family oriented with my own family someday.  Thank you Mom and Dad for making this a wondrous time of year that is so ingrained in my memory that a Christmas 20 years ago feels like yesterday and certain sights and smells bring back fond memories.  It was never about the presents, but about our presence.  

Preachy Platitudes

What do you say when someone around you is hurting or going through a bad time in life?  Do you give the usual sentiments that you feel that, as a Christian, you should say? "God will get you through this. Just trust in God and it'll be okay. God doesn't give you more than you can handle (that's a little sketchy that one)" and the likes.  When bad things happen in the world, the usual sentiment and phrase used both on facebook and verbally is, "Our thoughts and prayers are with..."  Don't get me wrong.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those sentiments....if you are meaning them with all your heart and not just saying it.  However, if I may give my two cents though...

When I have gone through rough times in life, those are the last things I want to hear.  From the night I learned all those years ago my dad had cancer to finding out that I had an infection in my foot after having surgery on it and having bad dreams I could lose it....I didn't want to hear any of that.  Sometimes, I just want someone to say, "Hey that sucks.  I'm sorry this is happening to you."  It's totally okay to acknowledge that bad stuff happens and that it stinks when it does happen.  It's almost as though we feel, as Christians, that we can't acknowledge the bad and that bad is, well, bad.  That it sucks to get sick, to watch a family member suffer, to go through a hard time in your marriage, or feel the pressure of not having enough money to get from paycheck to paycheck.  It doesn't mean that you can't still point your friend or yourself towards God in that moment but if I were to just learn that a loved one was sick, I don't want to hear, "Just trust in God" moments after learning that bad news.  "It'll be okay."  That's an interesting one to say.  Because "who's" okay will it be?  When you say it's going to be okay, you assume it's going to be the outcome, the "okay", that you want.  Sometimes it's going to work out differently than your okay, but it's still all in God's overall plan.  It's true, nothing is beyond the scope and plan of our grand God but it may involve bad things happening to you now and here on earth.  Don't give some predetermined "line" to those who are hurting.  Acknowledge the hurt and the pain, be there as a friend and someone they can lean on. and all the while keep praying for them, praising God in the storm, but also show love by doing love and being the best friend you can to them.  Don't be all talk.  

If I'm going to be transparent here, when I was a part of a church, I poured myself into it.  I loved serving and helping others and I can't remember at the time who I did those things for...myself, God, or for the eyes of others.  I was a lot younger then...so I can't judge my intentions at the time.  Those I was routinely with while in the church, it kind of seemed like we had it all together.  In reality, none of us have it totally together if we're being truthful. While church is supposed to be a place to be vulnerable, I didn't feel truly like I could be me and discuss my weaknesses without getting some casual platitude thrown my way and made to feel like I must not have focused enough on God because I had those struggles or thoughts.  And I think (I know :-() I looked down on others who were struggling more outwardly.  Because let's face it, as long as you're in good with God nothing bad can happen right? HA! So not true!  But as I look back, I was definitely not tuned into the broken heartedness of others, certainly not in the way I am now.  I didn't want to be around that back then.  It could be that my departure from the church was the best thing for me at that time.  (And my high reluctance to get back into a church is another topic and not for here)  Coming to camp opened up my eyes and my heart in a way it had never seen.  I was allowed to blossom into the person that I was meant to be, I was free to do so, away from any judgement and stereotypes.  Nowadays my heart aches for them.  I look for the outcasts, the ones who don't fit into the "norm", the ones no one else likes...I like them the most and I connect with them.  That's where the greatest joy and the greatest victories can come from, from the most downtrodden of us all....from campers to staff to those you meet in a parking lot....that's the true meaning of love and service.  

Running 13.1 Miles

Last April, while commenting to someone else that they should try the Avengers 1/2 marathon in

Anaheim in November, it somehow turned into me contemplating taking on that challenge.  I had never wanted, desired, or dreamed that I would ever run that far....ever.  I also had lost any desire to race after my first and only race, the 5K that went along with the Indy mini back in 2003.  Yep, a long time ago.  I had a terrible time, terrible run, and never looked to do another race ever again.  I have done 3 Warrior Dash races but never considered them to be racing.  It's obstacles, some running, and time isn't an issue.  After thinking I may have rounded up a few folks who might run with me and getting support and encouragement from Amie, I told myself I'd try it.  Then everyone I thought might go with me couldn't go anymore.  So I guess I was going to do this adventure by myself.  What's life without any adventure?  Thankfully I found a 12 week training program so I could start running after summer camp was over.  I don't think my body could take training and summer camp all at the same time.  At first it was easy.  Lots of 3, 4 ,5 mile runs.  Before this started, I had never run more than 5 miles at a time before and that was only one time.  My usual runs were between 2-3 miles.  Gulp!  I was running in the hottest part of the fall and I soon found myself needing to branch out and not just run the same loops at camp over and over.  The first 6 miler, then 7 miler, were okay.  It was a long time to run but totally doable.  The 8 miler was a huge mental breakthrough more than a physical one.  I couldn't fathom running that far but once I got going, it was really good.  At this point I think by golly I can do this!  Then came the 9, 10, and 11 mile runs...those weren't pretty.  I can't describe in words how I felt.  The 9 miler came on a windy day where I decided to go way out from camp and the GPS glitched and lost about 1/2 mile or so and my head got out of the game and the wind was brutal and just zapped my legs.  By now, I was running for almost 2 hours and by the end, your legs are going forward even as your brain says no, your legs feel like they will fall off if you simply stop to walk, and you almost want to cry because WHY AM I DOING THIS?!  You get done, you take a shower and refuel, and almost forgot how it felt...until the next run.  Yeouch!  It wasn't till later that I realized that "this" is the "wall" that runners, athletes talk about.  It's very real and very rough.  I then researched how to refuel my body to prevent hitting that wall.  Shortly after the 10 mile run, I decided to take a week off of training.  Some people thought I was crazy but my brain and body totally needed that time off.  Between work, trail rides, volleyball practices/games, soccer games, and training....I needed a break.  I went back at it and the 11 mile run felt about like the others, still not great and I was apprehensive about even approaching the 13.1 miles as I knew that once I hit 9 miles, it was going to be rough!  I decided to not run the last long run of 12 miles and just rest my body and stick with running the 3-6 miles.  I continued to research what to eat prior to the days of the run, what to eat for breakfast, during the run, etc.  I felt as ready as I could be.  I wasn't worried about not running that last 12 mile run and the impact it might have on the race.
I arrived in CA the evening before the race and got checked in both at my hotel (1 mile from Disneyland) and my race packet along with the cool shirts and memorabilia.  I had to be at Disneyland between 3:30-4 am (Eek! I don't do early and I don't exercise early!) and after a great meal with Jamie Volaski in the park, I headed to bed early and surprisingly fell right asleep with two alarms set to wake me up.  I woke up and got ready to board the shuttle to the park.  Got checked right in then had to wait about 2.5 hrs before I would even cross the start line (why did I have to be there so early??)  It was cold, so chilly that morning and I had to ditch the warm clothes when I checked my bag.  I was a little nervous but I just wanted to get going!  Here's me waiting in corral F...you can't tell how cold I am!

Once I got going I tried to find my rhythm.  Even though those last few long runs didn't go well, the one thing I knew was the rhythm I needed to find with my cadence and breathing.  I tried to settle into that and after a bathroom break at the first mile (hey, I had to wait a LONG time in corral F!), I settled into the run.  It wasn't fun having to stop and slow for the slower runners in the narrower areas but I tried to think of it as they were keeping me from going too fast too early.  I tried to take in all

the sites as I went.  Sometimes passing others, sometimes being passed.  Running most of the way; walking very little.  If I did walk, I tried to count my steps and keep it around 100 before I picked up the run again.  It was so cool to have the cheerleaders, bands, and the crowds cheering everyone on.  I felt really really good.  I got to run through Angels stadium around mile 8.  Now I knew I was headed into the mileage that was when my body wouldn't want to keep going.  I had gatorade chews in my pack and had taken advantage of water stations and I was ready.  Miles 8-10 actually felt pretty good.  I was keeping pace with a Thor and Loki...and Thor kept having to encourage Loki and I listened as they encouraged each other.  When I hit the last 5K of the race, I was definitely starting to tire some but I knew I could run 3.1 miles. I was actually starting to get a little emotional as we headed back towards the park.  Whether it was the weeks of training, the times I doubted myself, or the fact that 3 years ago I could barely walk without piercing pain, I got a little choked up as I continued to run.  I picked up the pace a bit and realized that all of the time and effort was going to culminate in that finish line.  As I saw that finish line, surprisingly all emotion left me.  I crossed the line, received my medal, and it was kind of like, "Now what?!"  All that time and effort and I didn't know how to feel!  Can't explain it.  But I know now that I can do it.  I know that taking the time to train is well worth it.  I left the park knowing I'd like to do it again.  Grateful to have a body capable of doing it and doing it well.  In a time better than I thought it'd be (2:30).  I'm inwardly proud of myself and what I've done.  I did it for no one else but me.  Thankful for a friend who encouraged me to try something new and out of my comfort zone.  So go out there and try something that pushes you, challenges you, and then work hard at it.  It'll be the best feeling you've ever had.