The Jordan River & My Life

On Tuesday, Amie and I traveled just down the road to Purdue University to attend their School of Ag Career Fair.  For being only 25 minutes away, I don't go to campus very much anymore.  I spent 6 great years at Purdue and didn't want to leave....at the time.  Now I wouldn't go back.  College was great.  An awesome part of my life that I don't regret.  Friends made, adventures experienced, the growing up that occurred all helped create the person I am today.  I credit both college and PBF/FBC for all of that.  I enrolled in graduate school because I didn't want to leave....and because I didn't have a job and they were going to pay me to go to school!

Life was great in college.  Sure, there were tons of worries-classes, exams, papers, projects, money, work.  Yet I had a great group of Christian friends and a great Bible study/church to be a part of that helped round out my collegiate career. I had no big career aspirations, no idea of what I wanted to do with my life but get married and have kids :-) .  For right then and there, that's what I wanted to be doing.  Then God started working on my heart.  I remember (very clearly, to this day, 8 years later) sitting in Sunday school and Pastor Aucoin talking about the Israelites crossing the river Jordan.  Now, this river was no measly stream.  It was like the Mississippi River with steep banks that led straight down to water that was deep and over their heads.  God had told them that the river would be held back only after they stepped off the bank and into the river.  A literal leap of faith.  For if the river had not been pushed back, surely they would have been swept away.  But that first step had to be completely taken with the river still in full force.  The point of the story was that sometimes, God asks us to take that leap of faith.  To step into the unknown, with no idea of what is going to happen, and to just trust Him.  Little did I know how I would apply that in a few short months.  It was now March of 2004 and I had felt God pulling at my heart.  I was restless and uneasy.  I knew that graduate school was not the place for me anymore BUT I had no idea of where to go.  I no longer made the lab or my studies a priority anymore.  It was hard to try, hard to care anymore.  And if you knew me before, you'd know how unlike me that was.  Not to be boastful, but my gpa at graduation was 3.98.  Now I was happy to just get a passing grade (and grad level biochem was kicking me big time).  It was time for something.  Just what I didn't know.  But I needed to "step off" the banks of the Jordan.  I went to my graduate advisor that March and talked to her about the fact that the lab/studies were no longer my priority, that I was going to be leaving, but that I was willing to stay till May, finish my research part, and try to leave on the right terms.  Knowing I was leaving, she could have kicked me out of the lab right then and not paid me.  But perhaps because I was honest and she was a great advisor, she let me stay, I got to drop one class (biochem!) and I got to witness in part to her because she asked me what my priorities were if they weren't school.  I began doing some job searching through internet ads, the CCO, and animal science departmental ads.  Nothing was really looking very promising.  It was getting very close to May and still nothing.  I started looking for any job.  I did have a small lead with the USDA but nothing looked like something I wanted to do.

Fast forwart to finals week of May.  No leads, no jobs, nothing and my time at Purdue was going to be up in a couple of days.  I was going to go home to my parents for a week after finals to get some time in there, get my head cleared, and figure out where I was going next.  This is where my leap of faith had taken me so far, leaving with no foreseeable future.  I'd resorted to using the Journal and Courier classified ads.  Then, one night, I saw an ad for an equestrian counselor at Camp Tecumseh.  I did not feel as though I had the counselor, bubbly personality or even enough horse experience to teach others but I felt drawn to the ad.  My only camping experience was Camp Crosley through school.  But something brought me back and, on a whim, emailed Scott Brosman to inquire.  He quickly emailed me back and we set up an interview a week later.  I filled out the application while home and I remember talking with my mom about the possibility of me being occupied all summer long.  They didn't seem extremely pleased about it but my mom definitely thought it was worth the try.  So I interviewed with Scott, I met Amie and Laurel (and my shy personality gave Amie some thoughts about how I'd be), and I left with a job offer but still didn't feel as though I could do it.  While home, my mom and I had good talks about the upcoming summer and she helped me prepare.  Not knowing anything about camp is what probably made me most nervous.  But it was a job!  For three months at least.....

First day of Equestrian staff training and I spent most of it in the Bradshaw room due to tornado warnings.  Our first meal was salisbury steak-not a good first meal!  That night we were finally allowed to go to our cabins and move in.  I got to meet a few ladies who would end up being horsemanship counselors (and good people to hang out with over the summer).  Things inside of me started to settle down a bit.  I entertained Amie with my string of bad jokes.  By the end of our week of staff training, I felt as though I'd known these folks for months, not days, and I began to make camp my home.  I had the most fantastic time of my life that summer.  After each week I was sad because it was one less week at camp.  My campers, my friends, those experiences....camp changed me so much on the inside which translated to the outside.  It brought out a side of me that I had perhaps locked away all those years.  I truly felt I could be the "me" I was meant to be, with no need to put up a front, to act like someone I thought that others around me wanted to see.  Very freeing indeed.

Yet, I still had a problem.  I had no job but no time to look for one.  And the minor problem of an apartment that still needed to be cared for.  I looked into Outdoor education as something that would at least get me through to November but I knew that my parents still may not be especially glad about the job.  I knew that they missed seeing me but they were glad that I was happy.  But I'm sure it wasn't easy on them.  I debated about OE, once again unsure of myself.  It appeared the best choice at that time.  So life was set until November and after that, who knew? Amie and I had talked a little bit about being her assistant once Laurel left (we knew that would happen within the next year or so) and in those short months, I had already grown close to her and her family and was feeling right at home.  I'd already watched Gavin a couple of times (little did I know how much that responsibility would grow!!)  Then, the second to last day of camp, Heidi Olsen comes up to me and asks me if I would like a full time positions, complete with benefits.  Wow!  Me?  Full time?  A true chance of a lifetime to be on the full time staff at Camp T.  I took half a day to ponder and pray about it and I thought about the implications (moving (someone did take the lease!), permanent time consuming job,complete change of everything, less time with friends/family/church) as camp takes an extreme time commitment.  I found her at the lunch table later and told her my answer.  The answer that would define the next 8+ years of my life....Yes.  And the rest they say, is history.  :-)

All the decisions I made, even the ones I thought were wrong, had all led up to this point.  A life not imagined.  A job of my dreams, yet I'd never dreamed it.  The path I took originally was a more comfortable road yet I often looked back at it as the foolish choice once I neared the end of college.  Yet, if I'd taken "the other road", which I thought appeared to be the wiser road, then I never would have ended up here.  I still stand in awe of the ways of God, they are truly not our ways.  He takes our "mistakes" and uses them for His glory.  I thank the Lord for pushing me out of my comfort zone, into a position where I'd be stretched and forced to go beyond what I thought I was capable of and coming out the other side a better person, more willing to go beyond my comfort zone.  All it took was a step....a huge step!

Little Girls + Horses

Ah, another weekend full of little girls, their dads, and horses.  Good weather always helps the weekend go better, although everything was turning to mud by the end of the day.  Thankfully a mostly uneventful weekend, although I had to warn each group to NOT scream each time they saw a horse go to the bathroom.  I told them that their friends would scream if they saw them going to the bathroom.  :-)  A few of the horses were not in their normal spirits and I have a feeling that some of them will need to start their "summer schooling" in March instead of April/May.  And horses, you know who you are!  Some of them knew they were in trouble, especially after I spent 20 minutes straight trotting one of them to try to get his mind back in somewhat a normal state.  I also rode out a "ninja pony" who was giving all grief and by the time we got back, she was "asking" if she could walk, not just barging ahead.  I'll probably be pretty sore tomorrow from all the riding (and riding out only one buck).  Also spent a lot of the time on the tractor loading up the round bale feeders and then unloaded two wagons.  Pretty much spent the the whole day moving, a typical Saturday for me.  I don't remember too many funny tidbits but one question stood out.

Guest:  "Do all the guy horses think Bunny's hot stuff?  Giving her googly eyes because she's so big?"
Huh?

I was leading Lacy up to the mounting block and as Amie walked up behind her, she turned and gave Amie the most evil eye.  It made Amie take a step back and hide her face in Tipper's mane.  And if you knew Lacy, you'd know that was weird.

If you've ever worked trail rides for us, you know that we will try to pass off a horse's little quirks as "no big deal" or put it into human terms.  For instance, Lady likes to keep her head "on a swivel" while going down the trail, constantly looking around and side stepping.  However, I tell the kids she likes to be our look-out on the trail.  And a horse that can bite another horse if they are allowed to get too close, we tell them that they need to be kept apart so that they don't "kiss" the other horse's butt.  And there's plenty of "tricks" to keep a nervous rider in the saddle or explaining why a horse is nervous or why we feel the need to walk right by them.  All tricks that come with experience.  Wish I could teach it.

Most common questions heard on the trail ride:
"How old is my horse?"  Followed immediately by, "How old do they normally live?"
"What are those shelter things?"  Cook out sites for the summer.
"How many horses do you have?  How many girls/boys?"
"How old is that pony?"  "That's Tiny Tim, he's full grown."  They seem very amazed by that answer.
"How many times a day do you walk this?"
And lastly, "How much can a horse eat/drink?"

Long day, early to bed.  More to come tomorrow.  I thought that tomorrow would be the Hunsberger Christmas but David and Penny's family are sick and so is dad so I may just be working then watching Purdue vs. Ohio St.  Come on Boilers!  Beat them Buckeyes!  Until then, good night.

Clean, Purge, and Start Over

Not from today, but very similar!

Ah, the feel of the warmer air and sunshine on my face....what a relief after the long stretch of cold, ice, and wind. Historically, January has not been my month. Holidays and a busy time have ended, days are short, and the prospect of getting out of my warm bed and heading out into the cold to work all day depresses me. All I really want to do is stay home, stay warm, and veg out on movies and the internet. :-) However, usually once February hits, all is right again. And this small stretch of warm weather has inspired us (Amie and I) to start cleaning. It's amazing what piles up over the winter, especially when there has been a layer of snow and ice over everything, making it impossible to clean the mini farm, pick the trail ride trail, and frozen hydrants won't allow you to get to the water. Over the last two days, we've thoroughly cleaned the mini-farm, hay barn, washed the truck and bobcat, tossed junk and trash, washed buckets and anything else that's needed it. Feels good, like you're getting your life back in order. I love to go through the house, clean it well, and throw away junk that's just weighing you down. I periodically feel the need to purge. I don't want to be weighed down with so many "things" and I don't like a cluttered feeling so every once in a while, it's time to just go through.

Unfortunately, one thing I really want to do now that the snow is melting off the roads is the one thing I can't do....run. I suffered two stress fractures to my 3rd and 4th metatarsals last year and am still not healed. Running is so cathartic for me and after a run, I feel like I can conquer the world. Using an elliptical machine does not produce nearly the same feeling, but at least I'm exercising. (I may have to go back since it's not getting better and it's driving me nuts!) But another release of mine is riding. Former awesome barn assistant Britt was needing a horse break from college so she came out and the two of us went for a ride through the pine forest/river trail. Always good to see old friends and even better to visit with them while atop a horse.

Funny things that have happened the last few days, courtesy of the kids.

Braydn to me (Monday): "Am I a bee or a bat?"
Me: "Um, a boy?"
Braydn: "No, I'm a beeeeee!" Random, I know.


Reagan at dinner last night as we were discussing the expiration date on the whipped cream (July). She was trying to figure out how far away July was from February. Finally, she turned to me and asked, "When does the whipped cream pass out again?" Pass out=Expiration. Awesomeness!


And lastly, this happened to me yesterday while cleaning the mini-farm. I kept hearing what sounded like an old style cell phone ring. First time I heard it, I thought one of the maintenance guys had just driven up but no, he was just passing by. Second time there was no one around and I started to look around the mini farm to see where the noise was coming from. Mind you, it only rang once each time. We broke for lunch as I told Amie about the strange noises. Obviously, it looked as though I was going crazy. For if anything had been in the mini farm, the battery would have surely died. Therefore, it couldn't have been in a bag of feed or bale of hay, all things which have been in there a while. And the door is locked all the time so we're the only ones there. After lunch, I walked back in and heard it one more time. Investigated it thoroughly, brought Amie in to help, but found nothing. Did not hear it today so.....who knows?

Time to watch Purdue dominate the second half, Duke to beat Virginia, and the new Survivor to premiere. Let's hope all go well.

Love-What does it mean?

I realize that Valentine's day was Monday, but I'm going to pull something from the archives that speaks of love. I wrote this about two years ago, but applies today and any other day. If you were my FB friend then, you might have read it. But here goes.....

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Love, why is she writing about love? But stick with me here and see what you think. I was listening to the Christian radio station a few weeks back and the pastor had been spending all week talking about love. The part that caught my attention and made me stay in the truck a few extra minutes was when he talked about the verse, "Love covers a multitude of sins." Then, " And God is love, and it's not an adjective." Now, where I go from here takes from what I learned at Faith, what he was talking about, and my own personal experience. This is the train of thoughts that followed that one little sermon and let's hope it doesn't de-rail along the way. Or it shows I think too much ;-).

"I think I just might understand a little bit more about true Godly love. I'm not talking about being "in love" with someone. I don't want to be "in love" because that implies that I can fall "out of love". I certainly don't want a love like that. I'm talking about the love that comes from God. God is love. Love is God. His love is perfect, ours usually is not so perfect. We say we "love" pizza, we "love" that TV show. Okay, that's NOT love. That's a like. But admit it, we're all guilty of saying that. I am. So while I am not "in love" with someone right now, there is someone in my life that I truly love (and I'm not talking about the opposite sex here, I'm talking about a treasured friendship). I'm talking about a love that's unconditional. One that's selfless. Giving without ever expecting anything in return. Loving them despite their flaws, their mistakes, knowing that they may never do for you what you've been able to do for them but you just keep giving anyways. But that's not why you love someone, for the things they do for you or for how they make you feel. You love someone and out of the love that doesn't criticize when they make a mistake or make fun of them for doing something stupid, you want and desire to serve them, to make their life a little bit better, to be there for them through the thick and thin. To put them above you. To sacrifice for them, yet it doesn't really feel like a sacrifice because you just love them that much. To have an open relationship where you can talk about the things that bug you without fearing that they will be hurt. Knowing you can come to them in Christian love and tell them the things God wants them to hear. I think I might understand a little bit more about that selfless, giving, sacrificial love, but I certainly don't have everything figured out. So, I think that's what love is. Not something to fall into or fall out of. Not something that depends on what you'll get out of it. It's being a true friend, never expecting to get back what you give, being there for them when they need it most, and pointing them to God because you know you'll never get it completely right. I've been experiencing and am experiencing this kind of love right now. Obviously, I love my family. But this love is just as strong. There are no blood lines to hold this together, it's a choice. I pray that I'll get to experience this love again, with someone who will be my "other" best friend the rest of my life. But to have experienced it once, that's a blessing. And love like that, only comes from God. It's not from my own self, but from Him."

I John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love, does not know God for God is love."

And Have a Great Day!

So I've just begun this foray into the blogging world.  Not really sure who will really want to read this, but this could be a great way to get great stories recorded somehow.  Working with kids always provides timeless stories, but I think those same kids have robbed some of my memory so putting them down here will preserve them.  :-)  And it'll be great to get some thoughts out of my head and into 'print'.  I never had the patience to keep a journal but maybe this will be better.

Being Monday, I spent the day with my little dude, Braydn.  To mix up the daily routine, we decided to brave the wintery watery land and head to West Lafayette to the softball fields/park and see if those paved paths were clear of snow.  They were and Braydn got to ride his bike around for about 45 minutes.  Great to get out of the house!  I took Duke as well who, never really having been in the city before, put his nose to work.  He's lived at camp for 2 years with all of the nature and animal smells so the city smells kept his nose glued the entire time.  We were the only ones out there as well which was nice.  Upon getting back home, Amie and Ben went out for their Valentine's dinner leaving me with their 3 kids.  Hoping for easy bedtimes!

Think I'll wrap up my first blog here.  If I get any followers, I'll conclude that you must be bored and have no life.  haha  Going to try to do this a couple of times a week, especially after the weekend when I'll come back with stories from trail rides.  Amie and I (and past trail ride workers) have long talked about writing a book about all our stories. Unfortunately, nobody has ever written them down and now we've forgotten them!  I'll end my post here in classic Camp T style, "And have a great day!"