The Church-Is it how God wanted it to be?

Now, don't get your feathers all ruffled.  I am simply posing a question.  One that's been on my mind a lot recently (and "oddly" enough, something I've heard on KLove and in a recent Bible Study).  I used to be a part of a church.  A church that I loved.  One that I grew leaps and bounds in and got to experience the joy of serving.  I didn't grow up in a church, at least not your typical one.  My parents listened to a tape ministry.  Honestly, I got very little out of it because the pastor spoke about 2 mountaintops over my head.  He was very much into Greek and Hebrew and the origins of the word.  To a teenager early on a Sunday morning, it was great to sleep to.  (Sorry mom and dad).  The point is, I didn't dress up, no worship, nothing fancy.  I wouldn't say I learned a bunch but I was blessed enough to also go to a Christian school with Bible classes every day and chapel twice a week.  Sometimes it was just going through the motions, learning a Bible verse by Friday, sword drills and Bible trivia for games, just recalling the information like it was something in a textbook.  As I got older and started my walk with God, I delved deeper into our lessons and prayed outside of class.  I am extremely grateful for the foundation that I received before going off to college.  I knew why I believed in what I believed in and nothing would shake me from that.

**I want to start off by saying that it is not my intention to bad mouth anyone or any church.  That is why I'm also not writing where I went because I don't want to taint other's views.**

I went off to college and was blessed enough to find a great college ministry/church locally.  At the time, this church wasn't nearly as big as it is now.  I didn't jump in with both feet at first.  I was a little hesitant because I wasn't quite used to the whole church scene but I soon found out that these folks cared about me and while at the time, I was practically the only freshmen in a sea of juniors to grad students, I soon found friends.  Over the years, I became more involved in not only the college part of the ministry but the church as well.  Serving, going to Bible study, getting involved with the families of the church.  I had a thirst for the Word and for learning more about Him.  I found the absolute joy that came with serving alongside Christians.    It was amazing and I loved it.  Knowing what I know now about how things turned out, I wouldn't change a thing about it.  I started organizing mission trips, volunteering my time with special events, and leading Bible studies.  As I left college to start work at camp, things started to change.  First off, I know I changed.  I started changing about the second day I was at camp.  I remember cracking bad jokes and making Amie about fall out of her seat laughing and realizing it was okay to be me.  I started to break the shell that surrounded the person inside me.  I started to....find the real me and let it out.  The one who had been deep down inside me.  It's hard to explain but I'll try.  I felt like I had to be a certain person and that I couldn't let all of me out.  Like if doing that would somehow make me a little bit less acceptable.  I don't think it was something I did knowingly or consciously.  Maybe I felt like if I got a little wild and crazy (and not in a bad way) I would be viewed as weird (which is so funny now knowing how weird most camp people are and who are completely okay with that!).  I am trying to stay away from saying that maybe I felt like I wouldn't be as good of a Christian but maybe that's what I'm saying.  Maybe that's what I felt.  I felt as though since I went to school and did all the things that I was doing that I had to follow this certain path in life.  However, looking back, I realized that I never wanted that life.  That I couldn't be "stuck" somewhere, going through the motions.  I needed to be in the thick of things, on the front lines DOING something about it.  What's the "it"?  Where was I "stuck"?  I'm not sure if I can put that into tangible terms.  I don't think I can.  Not in words anyways.  When I came to camp, I felt as though I was free for the first time.  Free to be me, to be who I was meant to be.  But why the difference?

Let's go back to my main point first.  When I started working at camp and working odd hours, I ended up coming at odds with my church.  Ultimately and unfortunately, the relationship that I had with the church and the relationships I had built within the church have all but vanished.  Did I do everything right?  Not by a long shot.  Do I think they handled it completely correct?  Not by a long shot.  Am I hurt?  Yes.  Will I ever go back?  No.  Who changed?  Both of us....but mostly me.  I realized something in coming to camp.  I took everything I had learned and put it into ACTION.  I put love into action every day.  I also took God out of this box that I think a lot of Christians do and I realized how big and amazing He was and how little I was and how tiny the box was.  I realized that a lot things within the church are man made rules, not God's rules.  And this is where I think the rub is.  Sometimes, you can be in a church that, though well meaning, makes rules regarding their members and what not and then, sometimes, we can start to pass judgment on those that we perceive who aren't following the trends and rules.  Perhaps, someone has to work a lot of Sundays.  What would the old me have thought?  Probably something like, "If they really cared about getting to church they'd try to get it off."  But how many times do people get out of church then go out to eat on Sunday and expect to be waited on by the staff of the restaurant.  Or if you choose something over going to a church function, then you aren't a good enough Christian.  If someone doesn't look like you think they should-tattoos, hair color/style, etc-then they probably aren't a Christian.  Maybe they didn't dress up all nice for church?  How small minded and judgmental is that?  How did I change?  I realized there are 2 sides to every story.  That God didn't make cookie cutter Christians.  That God is God....and I am no where close to that. And this is where I think there is something fundamentally wrong.  Church is supposed to be a place of growth, not to make you feel good.  Church is a place of healing, not judgment.  And church is a place to honor God, not the honor the building we meet in.  I was thinking about all this and then had a lady at Bible study, frustrated with where to go to church because she felt like there were people making rules to put others down, put it all into words that I myself couldn't find.  Why do Christians judge one another so harshly?  Why are we the meanest to each other?  Where is grace?  Where is realizing that it's okay to be you and for me to be me and that you don't have to be this certain model of a Christian?  God doesn't want us to all be the same.  He made a world of variety and a people of variety.  Did God want a church where people judge one another, are mean and belittling, or talking the talk but doing no walking?  The church is full of broken people as it should be.  We are no better because we go to church.  We are all sinners saved by grace and not by anything we do or can ever expect to do.  I don't want to go to church to feel better about myself.  I don't want to go somewhere advertising, "Awesome worship" or "Easy to understand sermons".  I am looking for a church that is full of real people, who aren't faking one side of themselves on Sunday vs the rest of the days, and one that challenges me.  I know that perfect doesn't exist on earth.  Someday, when Christ comes to reign again, we will once again live in a perfect world and have a perfect church.

No Eating of the Horses....Er, What?

Ah another week is upon us.  Last week was wickedly cold for a few days.  Monday was great to get a bunch of outdoor chores done and then...bam!....cold front Tuesday.  I didn't do too much Tuesday.  I was actually pretty sore from doing all the chores on Monday.  I think I put out 7 round bales and their corresponding hay nets which are a pain in the royal....whatever.  Between that and cleaning the upper barn, my shoulders and upper back were hurting on Tuesday.  I did ride for about 15 minutes which was enough to freeze my face.  After that I kept putting some Lego ships together.  Amie and I spent most of the rest of the night doing that....sorting pieces, finishing ships, going crazy from looking for itty bitty tiny parts in a BIG pile of Legos.  Wednesday was fun as we trekked back to my alma mater (am I old enough to say that?) of Purdue University....Boiler UP!....to do some recruiting.  I love walking into a job fair in jeans and a camp shirt with all the dress suits and high heels looking at us like we don't belong.....THEN we start to set up our display, attract a lot of students, and then they wonder to themselves, "How do they do that?"  Guess what, we have had a few companies come up to us and ask how we get so many students to come to our table.  :-)  Yeah, we're kind of a big deal.  After a long day of talking about what we do, it was back home.  Thursday was a pretty good day as Amie and I went to our weekly Bible study.  It was fun this time as a woman in our small group and I talked about evolution vs creation and how to use that in apologetics. As I go through the study, I don't always follow the line of reasoning with some of the material, but when it comes to "arguing" a case for God using creation/science.....I'm comfortable with that.  I am a scientist, a logical intellectual (something that some people say that you can't be religious and a scientist....I beg to differ), and after all that I've learned and continue to learn, I just find that everything points to a Creator, a moral Law Giver.  Nothing contradicts.  I wish I could relay that conversation that she and I had easily but I can't.  Just take my word that it was a good one.  Afterwards, Amie and I bought out Sam's club and Walmart and, as usual, had fun doing so.  That night we wrapped up the Lego project as we watched Grey's Anatomy and waited for the sleet/snow to begin.  Friday morning was a 2 hour delay for Delphi (not for big people..why not?).  After a weekend off of trail rides, Saturday and Sunday were filled with riders.  A few funny things along the way.  I usually tell the riders that there is no snacking on the trail rides.  No gum or candy for us and no eating of the horses.....wait.....yeah, I wrote that right because that's what I said....twice.  I usually say, "No eating for (or by) the horses" but I said "of" instead.  I started cracking up while giving the demo and I got confused looks from the dad.  In an almost movie-like scenario, I stated, "Oops, I said eating 'of' the horses, not eating 'by' the horses....I don't want you to eat my horses" and they all just stared and my laughs became....non existent.  Really folks?  You didn't see the humor in that?  Come on!  I did it in another demo the next day and started to laugh when I stated, "I did it again.  I said 'of' not 'by'."  Even weirder looks that time.  Where's your sense of humor?  I also have a great team of folks working for me right now.  It's two college aged kids (Abby and Alex) and a high schooler (Franki) and the three of them get along so well, giving each other a hard time but laughing all the while.  Alex has decided that our group should have no secrets and if you tell one thing to someone, the whole group will have to know.  Mostly this is to have material with which to tease one another.  As Abby said, "Forgive but never forget!"  These guys crack me up.  We will never forget the breakfast where Brandon got skipped for his snack order OR the breakfast where Abby gets her hair in the ketchup.  Then there's ear muffs for Alex.  Don't mention the word "fence posts" to anyone.  And Alex is working on his $.01 pay raises all the time.  Just a great group that make it fun on the weekends, one of the least liked portions of our job.  I'm grateful to have them around.

I finished book one of the Ashes series.  That book was pretty intense but a great read.  Hard to put it down.  I've got the second one and am ready to read it.  One thing that sticks out to me is how much we rely on our technology.  In the book, all technology gets wiped out by a huge EMP (electromagnetic pulse-thank you Stargate for my knowledge in this, all correct I'm sure), at least that's what the characters are thinking, and they have to survive in a new world.  Makes me wonder if we could live with less.  I often have the feeling to get rid of a bunch of my "stuff", to not feel burdened with possessions, to live out of a backpack.  One look at my house and you'll find that I'm not doing that now.  Ignore the room with all the ebay stuff from Amie and others.  But I do want to simplify.  I think there would be a release to get rid of stuff.  I'm not talking about getting rid of everything, but to just not feel the need to have stuff around.  Maybe that makes sense, maybe it doesn't.

Not too much else going on right now.  Working hard on selling ebay stuff.  :-)  I surmised last night that this was my hobby.  I like it.  Yep, kinda weird but we're all kinda weird in some way or another.  This week will be busy.  Tomorrow I get re-certified to save lives (CPR recert)  and Friday we are headed to Terre Haute for more recruiting.  Off to Louisville on Saturday and Sunday.  Busy Busy!  While my Monday was a sleepy, unmotivated one, I hope you had a great start to your week.  Until we meet again....

A Month in Pictures

I finally synced my phone to my computer for the first time this month so all my pictures are downloaded.  Here's a look back at the month through pictures.

It was cold.....like so cold that the tank heater can't keep up and my boss mummifies herself.

Spent a Sunday morning setting up a Lincoln log town and a Geotrax town in the play room.  It was the collision of two worlds.

Hung out with this family as usual....how cute are they!

Went to a basketball game and Braydn decided to meditate afterwards......don't ask me why.

Ended my day with one of these.......

Braydn and Ben are learning to play the guitar.

My cats anxiously watch me whenever I eat a bowl of cereal because they want what's leftover.....lovely sugary milk.

Created a mountain of grain in the hay barn.












The trailer for the video that I did in December was "released".  So now I can share the pictures of that exciting day in December.  It was a lot of fun riding Clancy through the Pine forest as fast as I could, dressed up, with cameras following me.  So here you go.

Link to You tube trailer......Empire






That's about it....at least what I cataloged with my phone.  Thanks for taking the walk with me.

Lessons, Legos, and Listening

Whew!  What a fun weekend.  On Friday, after another full day of work, I was able to get in a 4.04 mile run.  It was slow going as my cold muscles weren't warming up too quickly.  I ran down to the O.T. and did the outer main loop then the inner main loop and back up the hill towards LV and a loop around there and I was back to Amie's house.  Afterwards, all of us gathered in the indoor arena to practice some baseball.  It was a fun time, especially as Braydn and I (while getting bored in the "outfield") started to sing a song about peanut butter sandwiches and made up some really cool dance moves to it.  We were going to play pictionary that evening but instead a pizza and the movie Taken 2 took over the night.  I headed home after the movie to prepare for a day at Greystone (formerly IRUS) on Saturday.  We had no, I say it again, NO trail rides this weekend so we were able to capitalize on that by riding with Nancy.  We had spent the week getting our ponies spiffied up and we were ready to ride Saturday afternoon.  Amie went to get round bales that morning while I hung out with Reagan and Braydn while we fed the mini-farm and horses down below.  A quick stop at home and to load up our ponies and we were off to Lebanon by lunchtime.  When we got down there, we were able to put our horses in stalls which was great because we had a few hours till our lesson, our trailer is wicked noisy whenever you move in it, and it was cold.  We were able to watch a few lessons ahead of ours and then it was Amie's turn.  Unfortunately, Tuni was a "turd bucket" for the first 15 minutes or so and I kept telling him (telepathically), "Don't you dare do anything stupid!" and I think he only partially heard that.  I went to go get Anthony ready and Amie said he settled down...somewhat.  I thought Anthony was going to be an angel after I had led him in quietly, he stood still to be mounted, then was listening really well during the warm up.  Then Tuni left the arena.  It took him a good 10-15 minutes to start to get his attention back on me and we ended up having a productive lesson.  We had some good canters and I found my "gliding elbows" again.  Our time with Nancy is too short, as always.  That evening we had a dinner of Dairy Queen (way too many calories with my chili cheese dog and peanut butter bash) and we watched the end of the Duke game then the first Taken movie.

The ship I put together!

Sunday morning I woke up late and got my house cleaned up a bit and then did my taxes via Turbo Tax.  I can do them on my own with the EZ forms but TT finds me more money back.  I have to pay them but the amount I get back is much more than what I pay them so I figure that it's best to use them.  Amie texted me about 1 pm with a challenge to come on over and put together some Lego sets.  That I can never refuse.  So that's what I did the rest of the day....put some Avenger Lego sets together.  That evening we had dinner with Keith.  Some pork ribs and buffalo burgers and garlic potatoes made it a yummy meal.  We ended with Reagan quizzing the adults with the junior outburst cards.  We definitely had a good time with that.  After all that, it was time for bed.  Thankfully I remembered in time that I was supposed to have devotion for the Monday morning staff meeting.  Since Amie and I have been doing a study on apologetics, I tried to see if there was anything I could pull from that.  The previous week's lesson had been on listening so I found a devotion through "Delve into Jesus" on listening which was perfect.  I think that's what we all want, kids and adults alike, is to be listened too.  Stop thinking about what you're going to say and stop thinking about how that person's situation is similar to one you've been through.  Just listen and you might find out something new about the person or a new perspective on a situation.  That is also a way to follow one of the greatest commandments....to love each other.

After staff meeting, I got busy!  I went to the EC and straightened up, swept the barn, cleaned Anthony's stall, put everything away, cleaned out the trailer from the lessons, unhooked the trailer and brought up straw and hay....all before lunch.  After lunch, I had to put out 7 round bales down below.  The horses were frisky and annoying and wouldn't leave me alone.  I was trying to beat the rain and I almost did that.  It was on the very last bale (Amie came down for the last 3) that it started to sprinkle.  I was able to finish up the chores down below and I could finally call myself done for the day.  Whew!  I did attempt to go for a run but the wind and pelting rain drove me back so I only got in just over a mile.  I tried to run that mile as hard as I could but a darn side cramp put a cramp in that.  ;-)  haha  Then I played a little Wii with the Gleason kids (who were off for President's day) and dinner and then Biggest Loser and my night is complete.  Hope everyone else had a productive Monday!

Catching Up and Valentine's Day Thoughts

It's been a while blog world....sorry about that.  Since I've last written, it's been bitterly cold and then a brief battle with a stomach bug last week (feeling so much better now).  That's about it....no, not really.  Let's start at the top.  We did go see a few high school basketball games-one a Frontier girl's game on which our mini-farm helper plays and then a Delphi boys game at which Ben sang the National Anthem.  He did pretty good.  ;-)  The Delphi vs Carroll game was pretty intense, almost felt like a PU vs IU game.  Amie and I have been attending a women's Bible study on Thursday mornings about defending our faith, a class on apologetics.  Great reminders to be a faithful student of the Word and be ready with an answer always.  It has also made us more aware in our everyday life of how on guard we must be, to be steadfast in Him, to not give in to the world and their ideals.  While our morals and values may be different, we don't need to give in to be tolerant.  Tolerance has taken on a whole new meaning in this day and age....it does not mean what it originally meant.  I don't need to agree with you, I don't need to think that what you believe is right, but we can agree to disagree respectfully.  But I digress as that is probably another subject for another post.
Last week I woke up Wednesday morning feeling, oh, horrible.  No fever thankfully.  Just a 24-36 hour stomach bug that left me feeling wasted and useless for a few days.  Glad that's over.  I don't get sick often thankfully.
Amie and I have spent this week getting our "ponies"-Tuni and Anthony-ready for lessons on Saturday.  We've ridden them, bathed them, clipped their legs, trimmed their bridle paths, pulled their manes, and even let them....gasp.....stay in stalls!  I'm sure they have appreciated it and we appreciate it even more.  It's really muddy outside and it takes too much time to groom them.  Even if they don't behave well Saturday, at least they'll look good!
Today was valentine's day, a so called "holiday".  It's not so much that I haven't had a valentine for the past 32 years but why do we market this one day where you're supposed to show someone you love how much you love them.  The people in my life that I love, know that I love them because I show them every single time I'm around them.  I don't need one day to do that when I try to do it the other 364 days out of the year.  And why a day to remind those who are single that they are?  I do love being single and I am not ready to give up my freedom yet, but I also can't control my thoughts 100% of the time and I do struggle, on occasion, with wondering if there is someone out there who will love me in that manner.    I know I'm loved by friends and family but you know the love I'm talking about.  Will that guy ever find me attractive (and I'm not talking physically necessarily because I don't place much value on that) enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me?  I don't struggle often but V-day is a great reminder and it means I have to control my thoughts a little bit harder.  But I do go back to the fact that I love my life and I love my singleness.  I am happy and content as much as I can be and while I may never get a rose or a card or a date on Valentine's day, I have lots of people I can show love to each and every day and I have ONE who love me so much that He gave His life for me.  And He shows me every day of my life how I'm a child of His.