Thrive!

At the beginning of the summer, I challenged my counselors and myself to not merely survive this summer but to thrive.  To think of ways to grow, to learn, to find ways to be better.  I think that at the most tired of times throughout the summer, that song, that phrase, "Thrive", kept me going at a high standard.  In summer's past, it's been all about surviving the summer but I wanted to grow this summer.  Yeah, sometimes I fell.  Sometimes we all fell short.  But as a group, these counselors and staff held one another to a high standard as well. We supported each other like I had never seen.  I came out of this summer a different person than I went in.  The same sort of feeling I had after my first summer which completely altered my life forever.  The change wasn't as drastic but I was changed, excited to do my best, to love the kids the best way possible, to love my counselors and enable them to thrive too.  Looking back at the summer which I kinda didn't want to end, I know that we achieved our goal.  We thrived. We had challenging kids that no one loved and we loved them.  We had weird days/situations that challenged our patience and we kept our cool.  We had bad days that shook us to our core (at least to my core!) and required us to keep putting one step in front of the other until we got past the pain. We had people try to disrupt the harmony of our group and we trusted each other and didn't believe the lies.  We, as a group, were a high functioning, loving, thriving, growing, unified family.  Thanks for everything.  Love you all!  Casting Crown's Thrive Video

Roger Murphy

There's a ton of stuff to write about from this last (amazing, top 2!) summer but I'll to write about that later....when it's not almost 10 pm.  I'll just leave you with the fact that it was my best summer since my first, life changing, summer.

The last full day of summer camp started early as Rae and Gail had decided to do the Roger Murphy challenge.  For those of you who aren't familiar with camp, the Roger Murphy challenge is an early morning 1 mile swim in the lake from the boat house to the TLC dock....and back.  For those who don't know me extremely well, I haven't been in the lake in, well, years.  I've dealt with a fear of dark water and I also don't like snakes and I happen to know that there are snakes in that lake so double whammy!  Hell no I'm not going in.  And I wasn't going to join them.  That is until the Tuesday night before when Cayuga cabin, with whom I'd been hanging out with on a cookout, asked me to join them on the blob.  Um, I haven't been on the blob in about 5 years and it's not the blob I dislike, it's the swim to and from and anytime one falls off the blob and has to swim around to get back on.  The last time I was on the water slide I about had a slight panic attack on the swim back just thinking about how I couldn't see what I was swimming in.  But I didn't want to disappoint them and I also wanted to prove that fear can't hold you back and sometimes you have to push through it.  So I decided to go with them.  I'll tell you that there was some trepidation before I jumped in and I quickly swum to the blob.  After I was on it though, I started having fun jumping, sliding, blobbing others and being blobbed.  After I got out, I realized it was fun.  I still didn't really like it, but I managed the fear of what laid under the surface of the water that could not be seen.  Still, I had not even thought about the challenge of swimming to the dock and back.  But something in me a few days later stirred that maybe I should try it.  Could I manage fear enough to get in the water and not just swim to the blob but to the other side of the lake...and back.  I wavered back and forth on the issue until I told Cayuga that if they all did it, I would.  And of course they wanted to see me in the water so that's why I found myself at 6:30 on a Friday morning (I could have been sleeping for at least another hour) getting ready for the swim.  Once I rounded the blob and realized how far away the dock looked, I realized that this was a bad idea....and a long swim.  I had to hurry as best I could because we were late but I also felt like I was going nowhere with each stroke.  Managing fear and trying to swim with the most ridiculous of life jackets trying to kill me with the straps wrapping around me took it out of me a little quicker than I had planned on.  When I reached the bridge and remembered that I had once (or twice or three times) looked down from that very bridge to see a snake slither by, I just prayed to God I wouldn't see one today because I would have had no where to go in my extreme panic to exit the water.  I just kept swimming and swimming and swimming and about 24 minutes later I was done.  I was done and I was DONE!  Tired and already sore but done.  And the purple band?  I earned that and I'll wear that for a while.  It's something I've never done before and may never do again but at least I did it once and I proved I could do something I didn't want to do. So there you go Roger Murphy!  Challenge accepted and completed.  What a way to end summer 2014!

If I Only Knew.....

I apologize in advance for a post that could be construed as depressing and might make you cry...

If you only knew it'd be the last time.  This could go so many different directions and apply in so many ways.  We never wake up, leave the house, say goodbye to someone thinking it'll be the last time we'll do it.  Watching a television show where the detectives are in someone's house, going through their things, and you know that person didn't leave the house, leave the dirty dishes, leave an unfinished letter, thinking that they wouldn't be coming back.  You expect to come back.  You assume you'll come back and finish whatever it was you were working on, finish a conversation.  I was watching a show this week where one of the characters was living with a "you have a year to live" diagnosis.  It just got me quite introspective.  I don't want to take anything for granted.  So what's my "If I only knew" for now?

The time is quickly approaching that I will need to say goodbye to a friend who I've known for the past 19 years of my life.  She's been a constant in my life.  She taught me a lot, to never give up even when it was so hard to keep going and would have been easy to stop.  She didn't always make it easy, but when I stuck with it, I found I made great progress and the reward was great.  This "she" I am talking about?  She is Abby and she's my first horse.  She was a surprise Christmas present back in 1994.  A scavenger hunt led me to her, wearing a big red bow.  She was a wild little pony and I took a few nasty falls but I always got back on.  And soon, we became a team.  We weren't the most conventional team and would never win a 4-H western pleasure show as she was a former barrel racer that was a little wild and crazy in the arena but I found accomplishment in simply getting her into the arena and getting the semblance of a "walk" (those who know barrel racers know exactly what I'm talking about).  She gave me bumps and bruises and my mom a black eye.  While we weren't going to win any riding classes, we did well in halter showmanship.  Eventually, we got to the point where whatever she might have tried, I stuck with her easily.  I could ride her with a saddle or bareback, with a bridle or just a leadrope, and I'd hop on her in the stall while she ate.  She wasn't like that with everyone, just me.  And I liked that fact too.  I worked hard to gain that relationship.  As the years went on and I had to leave for college, I could still jump on her on my breaks and go ride around the country block.  When I got to camp, I was able to bring her with me.  She looked so small among all the big camp horses but she was still feisty.  And still mine and I still got my nickers.  An unfortunate eye infection that occurred while I was away led to permanent blindness in her right eye and while I felt incredibly guilty, she got along great.  Then age and something called Cushings started to take it's toll.  A loss in body condition is going to soon force me to make a decision that I do not want to have to make and I'm not sure if I can make it (the decision) on my own.  I want her to go peacefully in her sleep.  To go out there one morning and find that God took her during the night.  I'm praying that this will happen.  Her spirits are good.  She's still feisty and will follow me around to get her food.  I still get nickers.  And that's making the decision so so hard.  If I only knew?  If I only knew that the last time I rode her, years ago, would be the last time at the time.  A side effect of Cushings is some lameness issues and once she started showing signs, I stopped riding her so I didn't cause any undo pain.  So the last time I rode her?  I had no idea that it would be then.  I wish I did.  I would have savored it more.  But that's how life is.  You never know.  So do your best to treasure every moment in every part of your life.  It may not seem like much but when it's gone, you'll miss it.  I don't know when my time with her will be gone and it won't be easy to make the decision but for now, just seeing her everyday, grooming her when I can...well, I'll take what I can get.  Don't you worry Abby...I will do right by you as you've done me well all these years.

The only digital photo I have of her....taken in 2007.

Sochi 2014!!

Whenever the Olympics are on, whether they be summer or winter, I spend a lot of time in front of the TV and, with the DVR, fill up most of my recording space. :-) It's a chance to see sports you rarely get to see.  You can watch little known competitors from small countries make their country proud.  Watch underdogs come from behind to steal the gold from the favorites.  See those who are happy to just represent their country, knowing full well they will never medal.  They play for love of the sport, love of their country.  Every time the Olympics are on, I find myself wishing I had a chance to be in one.  Long (LONG!) shot, I know.  I don't even know what sport I'd choose.  While Indiana has little to no opportunities for it, I do find the Winter Olympics to be one of my favorites (although can anyone say swimming and Michael Phelps and the super close relay race he was in!??!!)  Skiing and snowboarding probably top my list.  I've always wanted the opportunity to ski and never got it while growing up.  My first trip to Michigan I had a blast and want to go back again.  So it's pretty safe to say that I'll never be in an Olympics.  I think there's also the desire to be considered great in something, to be the best.  Not necessarily "gold" great, just great enough to represent.  I know I'm good in things but I would never consider myself great in anything.  It's also about competing and pushing yourself to your limits and the thrill in knowing you gave it all you got.  So, for now, I'll be content to watch these athletes compete and share in their delight in winning and despair when they come up just short of a medal.  It's not all "Team USA" as I find myself cheering for other countries as well.  As I write this, a Canadian just won back to back golds in moguls and I was cheering for him all the way.  All politics aside, they are a way for a world to unite and share a common interest for a two week period.

Live in the NOW!

Last week, Amie and I got the opportunity to go to the Southern Similar Ministry Conference.  Long name but what it's about is a group of therapeutic riding centers with a Christian emphasis getting together to talk about leadership.  Last Thursday we headed down to Leeds, AL and spent two nights down there with a group of great Christians.  Most of the groups were from Alabama and then there was us and Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, a fantastic place in Oregon.  It was a good time.  Not everything applied to us but a lot did and it was some good stuff to take back home and apply to both our full time and summer staff.  And it was nice to be around like-minded, like-focused folks.  There was a session on mindfulness that was deep and quite applicable.  Just prior to the session, I had read an email I had gotten that upset me a bit.  Not sad insomuch as upset about the lack of respect shown during it and that it was a slap in the face, a kick while I was down.  So I went into the session with less focus and more on my mind.  Bryan Tweed was giving the talk and he wanted us to think only on the now.  Not on the past because it's done, move on.  And not on the future, because, well, it's the future.  But think about the now, about right now.  I went in worried about what was going to happen due to the email I had gotten.  One that could prove to change so much and affect my attitude greatly.  But I was worried about what it was going to do.  The situation wasn't going to affect me right now, it was going to affect me within the week.  The horse isn't worried about the future.  He isn't thinking about what the

owner/rider/human was going to do to him tomorrow or in 5 minutes.  He was only worried about what the owner was going to do to him right now.  We were asked to observe the horse as he freely walked about the arena and then just think about whatever thoughts came to our head.  Some thought of his curiousity, his fun nature as he rolled, the way he walked, did he move freely.  As Bryan asked the horse to move, I thought of how the horse wasn't worried about Bryan "might" do to him, only that he was asking him to move on right NOW.  And that applied so much to my situation.  I needed to get that situation/problem out of my head and just enjoy and think about what was going on right now.  I'd like to say that I started to think about the now and less about the future right then and there but I didn't.  I definitely worried about it for a few days and then took steps to prepare for it.  While all I wanted to do was tell this person that what they did hurt and that what they did made me continue to feel small and belittled, I didn't due to the person involved but I also wasn't willing to go down totally silently.  (And a recent blog post from a Mr. Mongoose Krafty came to mind in which he had to deal with a superior not treating him well and that helped me think through my situation....so thank you!)  Now, through a crazy series of events and conversations, what I had dreaded coming actually ended up working in my favor.  I had an unlikely ally come to my "defense" and while I spent a lot of time working on making the situation okay for myself, it turned out I didn't need to do any of that anyways.  Even if it hadn't turned out my way, I still was prepared to stand my thoughts and feelings but prepared to also take the situation and be okay with it.  What a great reminder of not fretting and freaking out when we first receive news.  And a great reminder to not worry about the future and to think about and enjoy the NOW.  God's already on the other side, looking back at us, saying, "Come on.  I'm already here.  You don't need to worry."

Casting Crowns "Already There"

Starting off 2014 Right!

I feel like my 2014 has gotten off to a good, albeit slow start.  The "Polar Vortex" kept us cooped up and unwilling to do much of anything.  That usually happens when you're freezing in a house with no power and wind chills are deep in the negatives.  We obviously survived and found ourselves immensely grateful to have a house with even a modicum of heat (my lowest was 50), grateful for neighbors who let us crash at their place for the day, and grateful to have enough clothes to pile on.  I found my ski goggles and found them to be a huge help in keeping the face protected.  I dare say, my face was warm under all of that.  Fingers and toes, fingers and toes....that's what gets cold.

 So I felt like my 2014 began AFTER the polar vortex tore through the area.  It was actually kind of nice to start after the "rush" of the new year.  Things I'm going to do this year include the 52 week money challenge and getting out of debt, well, at least a lot out of debt.  With my truck payments ending soon, this is the year it can happen.  I need to make it happen.

T25 is happening.  To spice up my running and include some cross training, I started T25.  I have done P90X in the past but the 25 intense minutes that comes with Shaun T's workouts keeps it going and soon, you're done!  Sore and tired but done.  I like how a lot of what he focuses on and stretches are the same muscle groups and actions we use when we ride.

Riding-Anthony and I are going places this year.  Possibly to Florida this winter to ride with Nancy for a week and even some shows.  He's a good guy.  Weird, lacking in trust (but chose me?), but so crazy athletic and smooth.

And work....so far, getting lots of projects done after it became tolerable to be outside.  :-)

Getting things done.  Going places.  :-)







Video of the "tundra" of Camp Tecumseh:

Tied or Untied??

Something you may or may not know about me and now you know the reason why.....

Haha, those of you who have spent any time around me may, at some point, realize something.  I rarely, ever, tie my shoes.  Not in the unsafe manner where my shoe laces are dragging the ground...I don't want to ruin my shoes!  :-)  I never trip and rarely lose my shoes.  I haven't always kept my shoes untied but now it's an unconscious act.  It's so much easier to slip your shoes on and off if they aren't tied.  I won't step on the heel of my other shoe to take it off and bending over and tying them and then having to retie them minutes later.  With my job, I will not wear my shoes inside the house.  Even if the bottoms of the shoes look okay, knowing what I've been in that day compels me to drop my shoes at the door wherever I go.  If I'm going to be running or walking a day of trail rides, I will tie them....usually.  I don't think it's a big deal.  However, I sat next to someone the other day who remarked to me, "Hey, your shoes aren't tied!" to which I responded, "No, they aren't" and didn't do anything about it.  I got the strangest look.  "You don't tie your shoes.....??"  "Nope."  (Insert ensuing discussion as to why I don't.)  I don't think they'll ever tell me again that my shoes are untied....I think I blew their mind without trying to.  :-)  There you have it.

Looks good...until you dig a little

So I've read a few interesting articles this week that have really got me thinking a bit.  An article was posted earlier this week by someone on my FB page that, on the surface, sounds great.  Who can argue with it?  But, in my opinion, if you dig at it a little, it falls apart due only to the foundation on which it's built.  This is one of the articles here if you want to read it.....Chivalry is Out of Style....like I said, sounds good.  And really, it is good.  As a woman, I truly appreciate a guy who, for example, waits a few extra seconds at the door if they see someone else coming and holds it open for them.  Anyone can appreciate a person who'll give up their seat to their elder or one who truly needs the opportunity to sit down...it's showing respect.  It's a rare sight to find a guy who'll stand until a woman is seated and it's cool to still see that from time to time.  I feel that there is respect within that act, whether it's toward a woman or an elderly man.  It feels good when a guy shows respect in that way.  I hope that it is respect, and only respect, that propels those acts.  If those acts have another idea or foundation behind them, I think the waters get a little murky.  I am not offended when a man does things for me and offers to help out or opens the door for me.  The question that got brought up in my mind due to the articles was, "Are you opening the door because you are a decent human being who respects others and has common courtesy OR are you doing it to show that I am stronger than you and here's a way to show it?"  Obviously, the first reason makes perfect sense and is a great reason to open the door for someone else.  The second....well, there might be a slippery slope in that way of thinking.  Here are a few points within the article and from there you can draw you own conclusions. First point:

"The meaning of “chivalry” has evolved, but its roots can be found in the oath that Crusader knights were made to take as part of their consecration, or “dubbing”. A knight swore “to defend to his uttermost the weak, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed; he should be courteous, and women should receive his especial care”."  

I completely understand that anyone, regardless of their gender, should come to the aid of those who need help.  What could be dangerous is that women are lumped into the same category as the weak a little later on in the article.

"Chivalry calls for the strongest to serve and honor the weakest, realizing that the other option is for the strongest to dominate and abuse the weakest. Chivalry is one of the things that separates us from gorillas and wolves and rats. We, as chivalrous men, are called to use our strength in service to women, children, the infirm, and the elderly."

I understand that physically, men are, more often than not, stronger than women.  I'm not blind to the physical boundaries (and other differences) between men and women.  It's how we were designed.  But does it really make someone weak simply because they aren't physically as strong as you are? There are very strong people who are very much physically weak but I see them as strong as anyone else.  I realize that the author says that the idea is NOT for the strong to dominate the weak within that act of chivalry but I for one do not want to be referred to as weak and it's so easy to go down the road where physical strength leads to superiority; superiority leads to dominance; dominance means power.  I see relationships where the woman acts or truly is weak and doesn't do things for themselves or asks the man to do everything. Within the comments one woman writes that if her "fiancee neglected to open the door for her, she would stand staring at the door until he realized his mistake."  Wow, dude, you need to run now because she is not someone to stay with.  Feeling entitled is a dangerous path to travel down and a very unhappy one.  We live in an entitled world where we "deserve to have that door opened for us."  But that's not how we should live because we don't live for ourselves.  Maybe she really is that weak or maybe it's easier to ask someone else to do it for you.  I can't answer that question for anyone. I've seen really really cool awesome guy burdened down with a wife who can't seem to do anything for herself and I see the drain it takes on them.  I'm strong and I've been on my own for a while, no man to help me with everyday life so life has made me be quite capable and independent.  But I'd love to be in a relationship where we work together, using our various strengths in harmony, being better together than apart.  I know the limits of my physical strength and I have no issues asking a man to help me out or taking their assistance when they ask if they can help.  Folks will tell me that women are to subject themselves to the authority of a man however that seems to only be within the confines of marriage and I'm not married.  The Bible does not tell me that I am weak.  The Bible does not tell me that I am helpless.  (I can hear you out there and I'll answer you right now....I am weak, definitely, that's why I need Christ. And I am helpless.... to enter heaven without His grace.  Please realize I'm talking about another kind of weak and helpless.) I've been told by those within the church that since men want to feel special that you should allow them to do things for you, things you are capable of doing all by yourself and you should pretend you can't (really, I was told that!).  While I understand letting guys do something for you to some degree (see below), I also don't think I should fake or lie just to make someone feel better while denying who and what I am.  I have stepped aside and let the men help us with a job and let them have fun and show off to one another.  They have fun and we usually get a few laughs out of it.  No harm done.

This is not a bash against men at all but against the reasons presented in the article and comments.  Men are awesome, cool, and they balance us out just how God designed and goodness knows I love having them around!  There are a lot of great men in my life through family and camp and if I've ever been in trouble or need back up to get unwanted guests out of the way, I'm grateful that they come to my aid.  Is it because I was weak?  Not necessarily, I just needed help; maybe I was weak at that moment. And that's the point.  We are all weak at some point while others are strong and can lift us up.  We do need each other.  We all need help sometimes. Common courtesy, putting others second, respect for our fellow man, showing love as Christ has commanded.....this should be our foundation for our acts of love and service to all of mankind-men, women, children, elderly, sick, and even the strong....everyone needs to feel the love of Christ through our acts of service.  The weakest of all of us can serve the strongest through their love and service.

The second article I was referring to is here:  Relationship not leadership and it's mostly the last paragraph that connected the two articles for me.  It's actually about horses.  :-)