Life was great in college. Sure, there were tons of worries-classes, exams, papers, projects, money, work. Yet I had a great group of Christian friends and a great Bible study/church to be a part of that helped round out my collegiate career. I had no big career aspirations, no idea of what I wanted to do with my life but get married and have kids :-) . For right then and there, that's what I wanted to be doing. Then God started working on my heart. I remember (very clearly, to this day, 8 years later) sitting in Sunday school and Pastor Aucoin talking about the Israelites crossing the river Jordan. Now, this river was no measly stream. It was like the Mississippi River with steep banks that led straight down to water that was deep and over their heads. God had told them that the river would be held back only after they stepped off the bank and into the river. A literal leap of faith. For if the river had not been pushed back, surely they would have been swept away. But that first step had to be completely taken with the river still in full force. The point of the story was that sometimes, God asks us to take that leap of faith. To step into the unknown, with no idea of what is going to happen, and to just trust Him. Little did I know how I would apply that in a few short months. It was now March of 2004 and I had felt God pulling at my heart. I was restless and uneasy. I knew that graduate school was not the place for me anymore BUT I had no idea of where to go. I no longer made the lab or my studies a priority anymore. It was hard to try, hard to care anymore. And if you knew me before, you'd know how unlike me that was. Not to be boastful, but my gpa at graduation was 3.98. Now I was happy to just get a passing grade (and grad level biochem was kicking me big time). It was time for something. Just what I didn't know. But I needed to "step off" the banks of the Jordan. I went to my graduate advisor that March and talked to her about the fact that the lab/studies were no longer my priority, that I was going to be leaving, but that I was willing to stay till May, finish my research part, and try to leave on the right terms. Knowing I was leaving, she could have kicked me out of the lab right then and not paid me. But perhaps because I was honest and she was a great advisor, she let me stay, I got to drop one class (biochem!) and I got to witness in part to her because she asked me what my priorities were if they weren't school. I began doing some job searching through internet ads, the CCO, and animal science departmental ads. Nothing was really looking very promising. It was getting very close to May and still nothing. I started looking for any job. I did have a small lead with the USDA but nothing looked like something I wanted to do. Fast forwart to finals week of May. No leads, no jobs, nothing and my time at Purdue was going to be up in a couple of days. I was going to go home to my parents for a week after finals to get some time in there, get my head cleared, and figure out where I was going next. This is where my leap of faith had taken me so far, leaving with no foreseeable future. I'd resorted to using the Journal and Courier classified ads. Then, one night, I saw an ad for an equestrian counselor at Camp Tecumseh. I did not feel as though I had the counselor, bubbly personality or even enough horse experience to teach others but I felt drawn to the ad. My only camping experience was Camp Crosley through school. But something brought me back and, on a whim, emailed Scott Brosman to inquire. He quickly emailed me back and we set up an interview a week later. I filled out the application while home and I remember talking with my mom about the possibility of me being occupied all summer long. They didn't seem extremely pleased about it but my mom definitely thought it was worth the try. So I interviewed with Scott, I met Amie and Laurel (and my shy personality gave Amie some thoughts about how I'd be), and I left with a job offer but still didn't feel as though I could do it. While home, my mom and I had good talks about the upcoming summer and she helped me prepare. Not knowing anything about camp is what probably made me most nervous. But it was a job! For three months at least.....
First day of Equestrian staff training and I spent most of it in the Bradshaw room due to tornado warnings. Our first meal was salisbury steak-not a good first meal! That night we were finally allowed to go to our cabins and move in. I got to meet a few ladies who would end up being horsemanship counselors (and good people to hang out with over the summer). Things inside of me started to settle down a bit. I entertained Amie with my string of bad jokes. By the end of our week of staff training, I felt as though I'd known these folks for months, not days, and I began to make camp my home. I had the most fantastic time of my life that summer. After each week I was sad because it was one less week at camp. My campers, my friends, those experiences....camp changed me so much on the inside which translated to the outside. It brought out a side of me that I had perhaps locked away all those years. I truly felt I could be the "me" I was meant to be, with no need to put up a front, to act like someone I thought that others around me wanted to see. Very freeing indeed.
Yet, I still had a problem. I had no job but no time to look for one. And the minor problem of an apartment that still needed to be cared for. I looked into Outdoor education as something that would at least get me through to November but I knew that my parents still may not be especially glad about the job. I knew that they missed seeing me but they were glad that I was happy. But I'm sure it wasn't easy on them. I debated about OE, once again unsure of myself. It appeared the best choice at that time. So life was set until November and after that, who knew? Amie and I had talked a little bit about being her assistant once Laurel left (we knew that would happen within the next year or so) and in those short months, I had already grown close to her and her family and was feeling right at home. I'd already watched Gavin a couple of times (little did I know how much that responsibility would grow!!) Then, the second to last day of camp, Heidi Olsen comes up to me and asks me if I would like a full time positions, complete with benefits. Wow! Me? Full time? A true chance of a lifetime to be on the full time staff at Camp T. I took half a day to ponder and pray about it and I thought about the implications (moving (someone did take the lease!), permanent time consuming job,complete change of everything, less time with friends/family/church) as camp takes an extreme time commitment. I found her at the lunch table later and told her my answer. The answer that would define the next 8+ years of my life....Yes. And the rest they say, is history. :-)
All the decisions I made, even the ones I thought were wrong, had all led up to this point. A life not imagined. A job of my dreams, yet I'd never dreamed it. The path I took originally was a more comfortable road yet I often looked back at it as the foolish choice once I neared the end of college. Yet, if I'd taken "the other road", which I thought appeared to be the wiser road, then I never would have ended up here. I still stand in awe of the ways of God, they are truly not our ways. He takes our "mistakes" and uses them for His glory. I thank the Lord for pushing me out of my comfort zone, into a position where I'd be stretched and forced to go beyond what I thought I was capable of and coming out the other side a better person, more willing to go beyond my comfort zone. All it took was a step....a huge step!
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