Listening and Acting-What to do with that still small voice

Just the other day I was going through my work email account, cleaning out emails and trying to reduce the number of pages.  I came across a 2006 email  from a old counselor friend of mine and it took me back to one of the roughest summers I had at camp.  This was a summer filled with strife, contention, rebellious hearts, and heavy decisions.  While it was a hard, challenging summer and it tested me and my leadership, I learned so much from those 3 months.  Some of it was hard to hear about myself but I was able to take the criticism, learn from it, and grow immensely as a leader.  What I had done at the end of the summer, after the stress had died down some, was to ask a few counselors what their thoughts were of the summer, things that could have gone differently, and what I could have done to make the situation better.  I had saved her response from those 6 years ago.

That summer was not my greatest by any stretch of the imagination. But what God did allow to happen was for me to learn so much about myself and ways to change. I think without even remembering it, I took so much of what she said and started to improve myself as a leader. The concepts....I remember them each summer and apply them. It's even written down in my office but I wouldn't have been able to tell you where they had come from! Things so simple as being very specific with praise and concerns (Don't say, "You're doing a good job" because what are they doing well?), listening to the counselors and considering their ideas even if I know that the idea they have proposed hasn't worked in the past, looking at my job as being more a mentor to my counselors, making them a part of the decision/idea process, etc. I think I handle myself much better as a leader nowadays and, in an off beat way, I can attribute some of that to my worst summer because I learned so much and changed. That was only my second summer actually leading up there and my first was "easy" with the likes of some of the counselors.  Once 2006 came around, I didn't know how to handle some of the other personalities within our unit and there were very strong, somewhat defiant, personalities.  A good friend of mine at the time was coming back for her third summer. And in my mind she had changed so much over that year but I was never able to put my finger on it.  Since I was unable to be specific with her and I didn't know how to handle the friendship/boss line and be able to guide her better, things started to go downhill over the summer.  I didn't know how to handle the growing dissent in the unit and then tried putting the hammer down and trying to regain what control there might be left.  Unfortunately, relationships went from bad to worse and before I knew it, a friendship was lost.  I tried desperately to fix it over the next year or so but I realized that even though I apologized, asked forgiveness, and tried to help her see that I never betrayed a secret, I had to accept that it was over for now.  A hard lesson but I'm glad that for 3 years, we were good friends.  Sometimes the people in our lives choose a different road than us.  I certainly screwed a thing or two up but I apologized, asked for forgiveness, and left my heart open to her.  That's all we can do in the end.

I realized I had also come so far in leadership when I had a past counselor contacted me, asking for advice because I was "her mentor". I had never thought about myself like that. I spent lots of time with her last summer-some praise, some rebuke. She was a young kid who needed someone to just help her out, talk to her, and guide her.  She had a good heart under all that and I wanted that part of her to come out. And I realized this winter when I met up with her again that she was a changed person. I remember when a past counselor and I talking once, how I thought I was there for the campers and she disagreed and thought I was there to help counselors. I didn't see it at the time but really, I am here for the counselors. To help lift them up, to become better people, and when I do that and support them, I help the kids too because I help make better counselors who can then help develop stronger kids.

So after reflection on that summer, I felt compelled to write that counselor after 6 years just to say that first, I'd kept her email and that second, that email still meant so much to me.  It was an incredibly motivating factor and I deeply appreciated her honesty.  I thought she might laugh at the thought of me writing to her about something that happened so long ago.  However, if God ever urges you to do something whether it's write to someone, call them, or even lays them upon your heart to pray....do it!  Do not ignore it.  My message wasn't laughed at at all.  This friend had just gone through some relationship stuff where she has chosen to speak the truth and it ended up offending the others.  She needed that encouragement that it's okay to speak the truth in love because that's what God wants us to do.  It reminded her to be truthful and that we need a friend like that sometimes.  Perfect timing.....God's timing.....so never, never ignore the voice, the urge, the feeling.  That's God and He's telling you to do something.