The Church-Is it how God wanted it to be?

Now, don't get your feathers all ruffled.  I am simply posing a question.  One that's been on my mind a lot recently (and "oddly" enough, something I've heard on KLove and in a recent Bible Study).  I used to be a part of a church.  A church that I loved.  One that I grew leaps and bounds in and got to experience the joy of serving.  I didn't grow up in a church, at least not your typical one.  My parents listened to a tape ministry.  Honestly, I got very little out of it because the pastor spoke about 2 mountaintops over my head.  He was very much into Greek and Hebrew and the origins of the word.  To a teenager early on a Sunday morning, it was great to sleep to.  (Sorry mom and dad).  The point is, I didn't dress up, no worship, nothing fancy.  I wouldn't say I learned a bunch but I was blessed enough to also go to a Christian school with Bible classes every day and chapel twice a week.  Sometimes it was just going through the motions, learning a Bible verse by Friday, sword drills and Bible trivia for games, just recalling the information like it was something in a textbook.  As I got older and started my walk with God, I delved deeper into our lessons and prayed outside of class.  I am extremely grateful for the foundation that I received before going off to college.  I knew why I believed in what I believed in and nothing would shake me from that.

**I want to start off by saying that it is not my intention to bad mouth anyone or any church.  That is why I'm also not writing where I went because I don't want to taint other's views.**

I went off to college and was blessed enough to find a great college ministry/church locally.  At the time, this church wasn't nearly as big as it is now.  I didn't jump in with both feet at first.  I was a little hesitant because I wasn't quite used to the whole church scene but I soon found out that these folks cared about me and while at the time, I was practically the only freshmen in a sea of juniors to grad students, I soon found friends.  Over the years, I became more involved in not only the college part of the ministry but the church as well.  Serving, going to Bible study, getting involved with the families of the church.  I had a thirst for the Word and for learning more about Him.  I found the absolute joy that came with serving alongside Christians.    It was amazing and I loved it.  Knowing what I know now about how things turned out, I wouldn't change a thing about it.  I started organizing mission trips, volunteering my time with special events, and leading Bible studies.  As I left college to start work at camp, things started to change.  First off, I know I changed.  I started changing about the second day I was at camp.  I remember cracking bad jokes and making Amie about fall out of her seat laughing and realizing it was okay to be me.  I started to break the shell that surrounded the person inside me.  I started to....find the real me and let it out.  The one who had been deep down inside me.  It's hard to explain but I'll try.  I felt like I had to be a certain person and that I couldn't let all of me out.  Like if doing that would somehow make me a little bit less acceptable.  I don't think it was something I did knowingly or consciously.  Maybe I felt like if I got a little wild and crazy (and not in a bad way) I would be viewed as weird (which is so funny now knowing how weird most camp people are and who are completely okay with that!).  I am trying to stay away from saying that maybe I felt like I wouldn't be as good of a Christian but maybe that's what I'm saying.  Maybe that's what I felt.  I felt as though since I went to school and did all the things that I was doing that I had to follow this certain path in life.  However, looking back, I realized that I never wanted that life.  That I couldn't be "stuck" somewhere, going through the motions.  I needed to be in the thick of things, on the front lines DOING something about it.  What's the "it"?  Where was I "stuck"?  I'm not sure if I can put that into tangible terms.  I don't think I can.  Not in words anyways.  When I came to camp, I felt as though I was free for the first time.  Free to be me, to be who I was meant to be.  But why the difference?

Let's go back to my main point first.  When I started working at camp and working odd hours, I ended up coming at odds with my church.  Ultimately and unfortunately, the relationship that I had with the church and the relationships I had built within the church have all but vanished.  Did I do everything right?  Not by a long shot.  Do I think they handled it completely correct?  Not by a long shot.  Am I hurt?  Yes.  Will I ever go back?  No.  Who changed?  Both of us....but mostly me.  I realized something in coming to camp.  I took everything I had learned and put it into ACTION.  I put love into action every day.  I also took God out of this box that I think a lot of Christians do and I realized how big and amazing He was and how little I was and how tiny the box was.  I realized that a lot things within the church are man made rules, not God's rules.  And this is where I think the rub is.  Sometimes, you can be in a church that, though well meaning, makes rules regarding their members and what not and then, sometimes, we can start to pass judgment on those that we perceive who aren't following the trends and rules.  Perhaps, someone has to work a lot of Sundays.  What would the old me have thought?  Probably something like, "If they really cared about getting to church they'd try to get it off."  But how many times do people get out of church then go out to eat on Sunday and expect to be waited on by the staff of the restaurant.  Or if you choose something over going to a church function, then you aren't a good enough Christian.  If someone doesn't look like you think they should-tattoos, hair color/style, etc-then they probably aren't a Christian.  Maybe they didn't dress up all nice for church?  How small minded and judgmental is that?  How did I change?  I realized there are 2 sides to every story.  That God didn't make cookie cutter Christians.  That God is God....and I am no where close to that. And this is where I think there is something fundamentally wrong.  Church is supposed to be a place of growth, not to make you feel good.  Church is a place of healing, not judgment.  And church is a place to honor God, not the honor the building we meet in.  I was thinking about all this and then had a lady at Bible study, frustrated with where to go to church because she felt like there were people making rules to put others down, put it all into words that I myself couldn't find.  Why do Christians judge one another so harshly?  Why are we the meanest to each other?  Where is grace?  Where is realizing that it's okay to be you and for me to be me and that you don't have to be this certain model of a Christian?  God doesn't want us to all be the same.  He made a world of variety and a people of variety.  Did God want a church where people judge one another, are mean and belittling, or talking the talk but doing no walking?  The church is full of broken people as it should be.  We are no better because we go to church.  We are all sinners saved by grace and not by anything we do or can ever expect to do.  I don't want to go to church to feel better about myself.  I don't want to go somewhere advertising, "Awesome worship" or "Easy to understand sermons".  I am looking for a church that is full of real people, who aren't faking one side of themselves on Sunday vs the rest of the days, and one that challenges me.  I know that perfect doesn't exist on earth.  Someday, when Christ comes to reign again, we will once again live in a perfect world and have a perfect church.