"How can I do it again?......How can I not?"

 CAMP

One of my cabins in 2004

Nine years ago this upcoming May, I made a decision that would change the rest of my life.  Tonight, I saw a movie that made me remember that what I do changes the world.  Camp serves over 36,000 guests a year, from campers to students to groups that range from princess and guides to church groups to business retreats to a whole host of other specialty groups, all of which are experiences of a lifetime.  We also host a very special group, one that was highlighted in the movie "Camp".  The beauty of camp is that we make a difference in the lives of everyone who comes, not just those who come from troubled pasts.  This movie highlighted kids who have had no one in their life to love them, to care for them, to even give them a birthday party and made them feel, for just one week in their lives, that they were the most important person to someone for that moment in time.  You can't solve all their problems in a week, but you can give them hope and love and those are two of the most powerful forces there are.  You might think that camp only serves the rich kids, the ones without any concerns about where their next meal comes from and that they come from loving spacious homes but in my years here, I've learned a very important thing.  Possessions, money, and never having to want for anything doesn't make a child feel loved and important.  Some kids grow up in huge, full yet empty homes lacking love.  Those kids need camp just as much as those who've wanted for even the most basic needs for their lives.  Some of our kids are grateful to come to camp simply because they got 3 meals a day and a bed.  

I had no idea what I was getting myself into back in 2004.  I had quit graduate school, had no plan for my life, and was lost inside and felt like a failure because I didn't want to do what I thought I was "supposed" to do for my life.  I arrived for my interview scared, nervous, and extremely uncertain.  Scott B did a great job during my interview at least calming me about some of my fears even though I wasn't certain this was the place for me.  Me?  A camp counselor?  No way!  But that little voice inside me said, "Yes way!" and I decided to listen.  I met Amie at the barn and she'll remember the quiet, shy person whom she wondered even if I wanted to be here.  Scott offered me the job the same day and I took the contract home with me and wondered how I'd even tell my parents what I'd be doing and how much I'd be gone.  My mom was great at getting me prepared and I knew my dad was a little sad that I'd be gone.  I arrived at camp for EQ staff training just 6 days after my interview.  Within the first few hours, I knew I was right where I belonged.  After the trainings and the fellowship and relationships I'd built with my fellow counselors, I wondered how life could get any better.....then the kids came.  It got SO much better!  I was a nervous wreck the first day of check-in.  I made mistakes my first week.  I was tired and losing my voice and constantly checking to make sure I still had 10 girls and that they were all okay.  By the end of the week, I was deeply saddened.....because I only had 8 more weeks to do this.  Yeah, there were hiccups along the way.  Days that were hard.  A lost swimmer drill that wasn't a drill and I hadn't been that scared in my life but couldn't show it.  And countless nights of little sleep, hot steamy cabins, and campers that didn't always get along.  And I loved it.  And I loved my girls.  I had a camper my first two weeks.  Angry, hard to love, and almost decked me after rest hour when I tried to wake her up.  But we connected and I tried my best to show her that she was special and that she meant something to me.  We kept up correspondence for a while until the letters stopped.  She was in a juvenile center.  The anger got the best of her.  I'll never forget her though.  Especially the night she asked me if it was okay to not believe in God and we discussed absolute truth and God's love for over 2 hours.  Then there was another camper who, in the group photo on Sunday, stood off to the side, sullen and grumpy.  She was hard to break through but when I put her in charge of the fire for a cookout and she was able to make it, everything changed.  My last picture of her is a smiling, happy joyful woman standing next to her new friend.  There were moments like the time I let the girls shower in the rain or we made a Frisbee zone in the cabin and many more countless moments every day that summer.  I knew, pretty soon into it, that this was a place I never wanted to leave.  I made another decision that July to join the outdoor education crew.  It wasn't a full time position, but it was a seasonal one.  I was not looking for a full time job at that point.  I just knew I didn't want to leave but I still had moments where I wasn't sure if I was "good enough" even though I felt like a good counselor, how would I fit into the full time mode?  I had models like Jason and Heidi who showed me the example of adults being fun and crazy and not caring what anyone else in the world thought of them but also showing love at the same time.  Of course there was Amie every step in the way, believing I could do the job in front of me even when I lacked the confidence.  Then, unexpectedly, on the very last full day of camp that summer.....week 9......Friday......I was asked to be a part of the full time staff.  I was shocked, stunned, and had no answer at that time.  I didn't say yes right away.  Part of me wanted to call home and ask my parents what they thought.  They'd already "lost" their child to this crazy black hole of a camp for a summer.....what would they think of if it was permanent.  Since I had no way of calling, I talked to a few folks (Margo and Siggie!) who said I'd be crazy to not take it.  So I did!  I don't know what all went on behind the scenes for my name to even be brought up as a potential full time employee of one of the best camps in the country/world, but I'm sure that Dave, Heidi, Scott, and Amie probably had a hand in that and that's something I can never forget.  I have never regretted any of those decisions I made that summer.  

But that takes me back to the movie.  It was a great reminder of the power camp has.  In a day in age where budgets are tight, camp still needs to be a priority.  And counselors-you are the life changers and while your college adviser may not think that'll look better than an internship on a resume, I guarantee you that you will gain more life experience from a summer at camp than anything else and you'll change the world that summer.  I don't mean you'll actually change the whole world.  But you'll change somebody's world.  And that means....the world.  I don't normally like to watch movies about camps because they show out of control campers with counselors who just want to have fun but they don't show the side that this movie showed.  That in one week, you can love someone that much.  In the years since I have been a counselor in a cabin, I still hear stories from past campers of, "Remember when....?"  They remember.  I remember.  Even though I don't live in a cabin anymore, I still grow close to the campers I have each week.  I know that some come from privileged homes where they don't feel loved because their parents don't tell them or they are never home.  That's all they want is to feel loved and accepted by an adult.  And I have campers who'll tell me, while we're going out on an early morning trail ride, "I haven't seen my dad since I was 4" or "My mom's been in the hospital for months".  Then there are the kids who show up with a trash bag of clothes, no sleeping bag, no idea what to expect for their week.  These kids break my heart.  And I pray that this one week will stay with them the rest of their lives.  That they'll remember that an adult cared for them, paid attention to them, and that they felt closer to God than they have ever felt and will realize that while that counselor is no longer around, God has never left them.

So when you ask yourself, when you're hot, tired, running low on patience and love, and you still have more to do, "How can I do this again?  How can I keep on going?"  Ask yourself, "How can I not?"  Yeah, camp is hard.  Camp is tiring.  Camp is consuming.  But camp is a life changer and how can I not be a part of that?  I'm proud and encouraged to be a part of it and as summer camp is just around the corner, it's a great boost to moral.