So I've read a few interesting articles this week that have really got me thinking a bit. An article was posted earlier this week by someone on my FB page that, on the surface, sounds great. Who can argue with it? But, in my opinion, if you dig at it a little, it falls apart due only to the foundation on which it's built. This is one of the articles here if you want to read it.....Chivalry is Out of Style....like I said, sounds good. And really, it is good. As a woman, I truly appreciate a guy who, for example, waits a few extra seconds at the door if they see someone else coming and holds it open for them. Anyone can appreciate a person who'll give up their seat to their elder or one who truly needs the opportunity to sit down...it's showing respect. It's a rare sight to find a guy who'll stand until a woman is seated and it's cool to still see that from time to time. I feel that there is respect within that act, whether it's toward a woman or an elderly man. It feels good when a guy shows respect in that way. I hope that it is respect, and only respect, that propels those acts. If those acts have another idea or foundation behind them, I think the waters get a little murky. I am not offended when a man does things for me and offers to help out or opens the door for me. The question that got brought up in my mind due to the articles was, "Are you opening the door because you are a decent human being who respects others and has common courtesy OR are you doing it to show that I am stronger than you and here's a way to show it?" Obviously, the first reason makes perfect sense and is a great reason to open the door for someone else. The second....well, there might be a slippery slope in that way of thinking. Here are a few points within the article and from there you can draw you own conclusions. First point:
"The meaning of “chivalry” has evolved, but its roots can be found in the oath that Crusader knights were made to take as part of their consecration, or “dubbing”. A knight swore “to defend to his uttermost the weak, the orphan, the widow and the oppressed; he should be courteous, and women should receive his especial care”."
I completely understand that anyone, regardless of their gender, should come to the aid of those who need help. What could be dangerous is that women are lumped into the same category as the weak a little later on in the article.
"Chivalry calls for the strongest to serve and honor the weakest, realizing that the other option is for the strongest to dominate and abuse the weakest. Chivalry is one of the things that separates us from gorillas and wolves and rats. We, as chivalrous men, are called to use our strength in service to women, children, the infirm, and the elderly."
I understand that physically, men are, more often than not, stronger than women. I'm not blind to the physical boundaries (and other differences) between men and women. It's how we were designed. But does it really make someone weak simply because they aren't physically as strong as you are? There are very strong people who are very much physically weak but I see them as strong as anyone else. I realize that the author says that the idea is NOT for the strong to dominate the weak within that act of chivalry but I for one do not want to be referred to as weak and it's so easy to go down the road where physical strength leads to superiority; superiority leads to dominance; dominance means power. I see relationships where the woman acts or truly is weak and doesn't do things for themselves or asks the man to do everything. Within the comments one woman writes that if her "fiancee neglected to open the door for her, she would stand staring at the door until he realized his mistake." Wow, dude, you need to run now because she is not someone to stay with. Feeling entitled is a dangerous path to travel down and a very unhappy one. We live in an entitled world where we "deserve to have that door opened for us." But that's not how we should live because we don't live for ourselves. Maybe she really is that weak or maybe it's easier to ask someone else to do it for you. I can't answer that question for anyone. I've seen really really cool awesome guy burdened down with a wife who can't seem to do anything for herself and I see the drain it takes on them. I'm strong and I've been on my own for a while, no man to help me with everyday life so life has made me be quite capable and independent. But I'd love to be in a relationship where we work together, using our various strengths in harmony, being better together than apart. I know the limits of my physical strength and I have no issues asking a man to help me out or taking their assistance when they ask if they can help. Folks will tell me that women are to subject themselves to the authority of a man however that seems to only be within the confines of marriage and I'm not married. The Bible does not tell me that I am weak. The Bible does not tell me that I am helpless. (I can hear you out there and I'll answer you right now....I am weak, definitely, that's why I need Christ. And I am helpless.... to enter heaven without His grace. Please realize I'm talking about another kind of weak and helpless.) I've been told by those within the church that since men want to feel special that you should allow them to do things for you, things you are capable of doing all by yourself and you should pretend you can't (really, I was told that!). While I understand letting guys do something for you to some degree (see below), I also don't think I should fake or lie just to make someone feel better while denying who and what I am. I have stepped aside and let the men help us with a job and let them have fun and show off to one another. They have fun and we usually get a few laughs out of it. No harm done.
This is not a bash against men at all but against the reasons presented in the article and comments. Men are awesome, cool, and they balance us out just how God designed and goodness knows I love having them around! There are a lot of great men in my life through family and camp and if I've ever been in trouble or need back up to get unwanted guests out of the way, I'm grateful that they come to my aid. Is it because I was weak? Not necessarily, I just needed help; maybe I was weak at that moment. And that's the point. We are all weak at some point while others are strong and can lift us up. We do need each other. We all need help sometimes. Common courtesy, putting others second, respect for our fellow man, showing love as Christ has commanded.....this should be our foundation for our acts of love and service to all of mankind-men, women, children, elderly, sick, and even the strong....everyone needs to feel the love of Christ through our acts of service. The weakest of all of us can serve the strongest through their love and service.
The second article I was referring to is here: Relationship not leadership and it's mostly the last paragraph that connected the two articles for me. It's actually about horses. :-)
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