When I have gone through rough times in life, those are the last things I want to hear. From the night I learned all those years ago my dad had cancer to finding out that I had an infection in my foot after having surgery on it and having bad dreams I could lose it....I didn't want to hear any of that. Sometimes, I just want someone to say, "Hey that sucks. I'm sorry this is happening to you." It's totally okay to acknowledge that bad stuff happens and that it stinks when it does happen. It's almost as though we feel, as Christians, that we can't acknowledge the bad and that bad is, well, bad. That it sucks to get sick, to watch a family member suffer, to go through a hard time in your marriage, or feel the pressure of not having enough money to get from paycheck to paycheck. It doesn't mean that you can't still point your friend or yourself towards God in that moment but if I were to just learn that a loved one was sick, I don't want to hear, "Just trust in God" moments after learning that bad news. "It'll be okay." That's an interesting one to say. Because "who's" okay will it be? When you say it's going to be okay, you assume it's going to be the outcome, the "okay", that you want. Sometimes it's going to work out differently than your okay, but it's still all in God's overall plan. It's true, nothing is beyond the scope and plan of our grand God but it may involve bad things happening to you now and here on earth. Don't give some predetermined "line" to those who are hurting. Acknowledge the hurt and the pain, be there as a friend and someone they can lean on. and all the while keep praying for them, praising God in the storm, but also show love by doing love and being the best friend you can to them. Don't be all talk.
If I'm going to be transparent here, when I was a part of a church, I poured myself into it. I loved serving and helping others and I can't remember at the time who I did those things for...myself, God, or for the eyes of others. I was a lot younger then...so I can't judge my intentions at the time. Those I was routinely with while in the church, it kind of seemed like we had it all together. In reality, none of us have it totally together if we're being truthful. While church is supposed to be a place to be vulnerable, I didn't feel truly like I could be me and discuss my weaknesses without getting some casual platitude thrown my way and made to feel like I must not have focused enough on God because I had those struggles or thoughts. And I think (I know :-() I looked down on others who were struggling more outwardly. Because let's face it, as long as you're in good with God nothing bad can happen right? HA! So not true! But as I look back, I was definitely not tuned into the broken heartedness of others, certainly not in the way I am now. I didn't want to be around that back then. It could be that my departure from the church was the best thing for me at that time. (And my high reluctance to get back into a church is another topic and not for here) Coming to camp opened up my eyes and my heart in a way it had never seen. I was allowed to blossom into the person that I was meant to be, I was free to do so, away from any judgement and stereotypes. Nowadays my heart aches for them. I look for the outcasts, the ones who don't fit into the "norm", the ones no one else likes...I like them the most and I connect with them. That's where the greatest joy and the greatest victories can come from, from the most downtrodden of us all....from campers to staff to those you meet in a parking lot....that's the true meaning of love and service.
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