The Empty Finger

Now before I go too far down this road, let it be known that this is not supposed to be taken as complaining or a pity party...just thoughts and feelings....

The empty finger?  Which finger is that?  It's the ring finger that is as bare as the day I was born 36 years ago.  Most of the time I'm content to be single, to be free to take off at any moment, to be there for others when they need it.  Sometimes though, I think it'd be so nice to have someone by my side to enjoy this life with.  To go on a trip and have a companion to enjoy the time with.  That has been on my mind recently.  I had the opportunity to be able to take off for a few days this week but I chose not to.  I had a few places I wanted to go but I didn't want to go solo this time.  I've been on many a trip solo and thoroughly enjoyed myself-Traverse City, Anaheim, and several national parks. As much as I enjoyed those trips, I found myself, from time to time, wanting to turn to the side and say, "Hey, how beautiful is that?" But there was no one there.  Those times were great as they allowed me to reboot and get away and get refreshed.  But this time, I chose to not go anywhere.  To stay home, sleep, and do nothing while here.  That however has been nice in its own right. ;-)

Singleness is both a gift and a burden.  I love being single but there are times, occasionally, that I wish I weren't.  That there was someone to share this crazy ride call life with.  I know that being in a relationship is hard...it's not easy....it requires selflessness, time, work, dedication, and more work. Being single, you don't have to worry about any of that.  I can choose to do something...and I can choose not to...something that's not a guarantee with someone else in the picture. At this point, I don't know if there will ever be someone to share this ride with and the choice to be content is a daily one, although I'm human and it doesn't mean I can have wishes of my own.  As co-workers announce pregnancies and engagements, I honestly find it hard to wish them congratulations because it's a reminder.  It's not that I'm not happy for them, but it's a vivid reminder of what I don't have.  Here's my announcement...nothing's changed.  I'm still single and solo.   Just thought you might want to know.  ;-) For now I guess I'll continue to be a 3rd wheel with my married friends.